“The good Friend” – the plight of an average Indian male

WARNING: CHAUVINISTIC

(Not based on research, but what I see around me)

“I wanted to tell you something for quite some time.”

“Like what?”

“Well, I kind of … kind of… ok hang on …”

“Come on – tell me. Don’t feel so scared.”

“Well I am in love with you.”

“Ha?”

“Yes dear, I do love you.”

“Ok. But ..”

“But, what?”

“I respect your feelings but I really don’t see you in that sense. You know what I mean? You are my good friend. I care for you … but I can’t fancy a relationship with you.”

So the hammer is struck and the verdict is out. Good friend it is!

Unfortunately the conversation above is not a figment of fiction but a bitter bite of reality. The Average Indian male (AIM – let’s call him), is left with no option but to carry on as the good friend.  What is ironical about being a good friend is the fact that it neither feels good nor friendly to be one. As a typical AIM with straight intents, your maneuver’s around her for day after –your comic attempts to make her smile - your patient ear for her irrational demands and  off-course your explanations to dad about your increasing expenses all zero down to the bigger picture. Deep within you – friendship was just a route that you took to win her heart. Philosophers say journey matters more than destination – but if that was to be true wouldn’t we all spend a greater time of the year in trains?

 

It’s all gone now – and the route has transported you to a dead end – with nothing left to console you but old-monk. Oh yes – it is indeed a dead end and to make thing worse there is no way to turn back. At the end of the day reverse time travel is just another abstract concept in Physics.

Phone bills will come down. Pub bills will go up. You will spend more time with Mr. Arun Sharma’s treatise on Quantitative Abilities ( hoping to crack CAT – become a big shot in five years time and hire her as secretary). Your  real “good-friends” will see more of you. All of a sudden your favorite song would be Cobain’s –Where did you sleep last night!. You would avoid the mall – the cinema hall and definitely the old paani-puri walla outside the campus.

Mark my words – the feeling that you would go through is only comparable with that of a cigarette quitter disoriented with withdrawals. Moreover , just like your cigarette quitting attempt gets foiled and marred by a sudden smoke one fine day – even this time round you carry a similar risk.

“Hello”

“Hey hi –“

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah – why?”

“Nothing?”

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me please- is anything wrong.”

“That’s what I  want to ask you. Ever since that day you haven’t even spoken to me. “

“Oh I am so sorry – I was a bit busy studying for CAT.”

“So CAT is more important than me?”

“Oh no .Not at all”

Dot. Dot. Dot. And AIM is all set to make the next big error of his life.

To be precise (or you may say frank and rude) – AIM , would end up in deeper shit this time round. His coming back to her is louder than yelling out – “As you say ma’am – I am your good-friend … and just like the Hutch pug will stick on to you forever – till the better guy kicks me out.”

Unfortunately for AIM, SHE would never let him go- on his own. His going away is inconvenient to state the least. At the end of the day SHE allowed herself to get associated with him because of convenience. If he tried to go away – she had to be crafty to hold him back .

Convenience, if nothing else. She knew all the while what he felt about her. He is definitely not Asexual –or a hermit beyond hormones! It never skipped her eyes how hungry he was for even her slightest nods of approval. Moreover being a 21^st century woman she ‘s aware of Mr. Freud’s words. She still wanted him around – to teach her quant, to cycle her to the mall or maybe to listen to her endless rants about her room-mates.

Crafty she has to be – at-least till she finds the man of her life! The man who looks good , remembers her birthday, makes her feel special every-day , is good in quants and definitely has a bike!  The man who can sing to her -“You fill up my senses –like a night in the forest.” That would definitely make others in her dorm, beige (ha?) with jealousy !

Once the knight arrives in shining armour she can easily demote AIM a step further – and gift him a new designation – acquaintance (thank you social networks for teaching  the word).

But there will be time for that – for now she’s ready to adjust with AIM. A sort of makeshift accommodation with a diplomatic name –‘good friend’ !

 Epilogue:

AIM –Poor AIM – walks back to where he left her last. She would be waiting there. He wants to runaway – from everything neo-platonic! He keeps walking in the direction he hates. He sees her. She sees him. They smile. “I am sorry”, says AIM. “It’s alright”, says she.

Sitting at a distance – observing the mishap – I have no option but to shake head and dedicate a short verse to AIM and his kind –

My dear dear , average Indian male –

It’s pains me a lot –every-time you fail!

Don’t dry your tongue or wag your tail

Cut the crap – this one’s  gone stale!

You need some Floyd – to soothe your ears –

Leave it to others to dry her tears,

Her tears are easy – like her smile:

Breathe a bit – it’s been a while!

It’s been a while – since your throat was wet:

The guyz miss you –anyone can bet!

The guyz will never make you wait  -

No more chick-flicks –aint that great ?

Realize the fact, that I tell thee –

She chucked you for some S.O.B !

Give it back –till there’s time

That’s enough- no  more rhyme !