WARNING: CHAUVINISTIC
(Not based on research, but what I
see around me)
“I wanted to tell you something for quite some time.”
“Like what?”
“Well, I kind of … kind of… ok hang on …”
“Come on – tell me. Don’t feel so scared.”
“Well I am in love with you.”
“Ha?”
“Yes dear, I do love you.”
“Ok. But ..”
“But, what?”
“I respect your feelings but I really don’t see you in that sense. You
know what I mean? You are my good friend. I care for you … but I can’t fancy a
relationship with you.”
So the hammer is struck and the verdict is out. Good friend it is!
Unfortunately the conversation
above is not a figment of fiction but a bitter bite of reality. The Average
Indian male (AIM – let’s call him), is left with no option but to carry on as
the good friend. What is ironical about
being a good friend is the fact that it neither feels good nor friendly to be
one. As a typical AIM with straight intents, your maneuver’s around her for day
after –your comic attempts to make her smile - your patient ear for her
irrational demands and off-course your
explanations to dad about your increasing expenses all zero down to the bigger
picture. Deep within you – friendship was just a route that you took to win her
heart. Philosophers say journey matters more than destination – but if that was
to be true wouldn’t we all spend a greater time of the year in trains?
It’s all gone now – and the route
has transported you to a dead end – with nothing left to console you but old-monk. Oh yes – it is indeed a dead
end and to make thing worse there is no way to turn back. At the end of the day
reverse time travel is just another abstract concept in Physics.
Phone bills will come down. Pub
bills will go up. You will spend more time with Mr. Arun Sharma’s treatise on
Quantitative Abilities ( hoping to crack CAT – become a big shot in five years
time and hire her as secretary). Your real “good-friends” will see more of you. All
of a sudden your favorite song would be Cobain’s –Where did you sleep last night!. You would avoid the mall – the cinema
hall and definitely the old paani-puri walla outside the campus.
Mark my words – the feeling that
you would go through is only comparable with that of a cigarette quitter
disoriented with withdrawals. Moreover , just like your cigarette quitting
attempt gets foiled and marred by a sudden smoke one fine day – even this time round
you carry a similar risk.
“Hello”
“Hey hi –“
“Are you ok?”
“Yeah – why?”
“Nothing?”
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“Tell me please- is anything wrong.”
“That’s what I want to ask you.
Ever since that day you haven’t even spoken to me. “
“Oh I am so sorry – I was a bit busy studying for CAT.”
“So CAT is more important than me?”
“Oh no .Not at all”
Dot. Dot. Dot. And AIM is all set
to make the next big error of his life.
To be precise (or you may say
frank and rude) – AIM , would end up in deeper shit this time round. His coming
back to her is louder than yelling out – “As
you say ma’am – I am your good-friend … and just like the Hutch pug will stick
on to you forever – till the better guy kicks me out.”
Unfortunately for AIM, SHE would
never let him go- on his own. His going away is inconvenient to state the
least. At the end of the day SHE allowed herself to get associated with him
because of convenience. If he tried to go away – she had to be crafty to hold
him back .
Convenience, if nothing else. She knew
all the while what he felt about her. He is definitely not Asexual –or a hermit
beyond hormones! It never skipped her eyes how hungry he was for even her
slightest nods of approval. Moreover being a 21st century woman she ‘s
aware of Mr. Freud’s words. She still wanted him around – to teach her quant,
to cycle her to the mall or maybe to listen to her endless rants about her
room-mates.
Crafty she has to be – at-least till
she finds the man of her life! The man who looks good , remembers her birthday,
makes her feel special every-day , is good in quants and definitely has a bike! The man who can sing to her -“You fill up my
senses –like a night in the forest.” That would definitely make others in her
dorm, beige (ha?) with jealousy !
Once the knight arrives in shining
armour she can easily demote AIM a step further – and gift him a new
designation – acquaintance (thank you social networks for teaching the word).
But there will be time for that –
for now she’s ready to adjust with AIM. A sort of makeshift accommodation with
a diplomatic name –‘good friend’ !
Epilogue:
AIM –Poor AIM – walks back to
where he left her last. She would be waiting there. He wants to runaway – from everything
neo-platonic! He keeps walking in the direction he hates. He sees her. She sees
him. They smile. “I am sorry”, says AIM. “It’s alright”, says she.
Sitting at a distance – observing the
mishap – I have no option but to shake head and dedicate a short verse to AIM
and his kind –
My dear dear , average Indian male
–
It’s pains me a lot –every-time you
fail!
Don’t dry your tongue or wag your tail
Cut the crap – this one’s gone stale!
You need some Floyd – to soothe
your ears –
Leave it to others to dry her
tears,
Her tears are easy – like her
smile:
Breathe a bit – it’s been a while!
It’s been a while – since your
throat was wet:
The guyz miss you –anyone can bet!
The guyz will never make you wait -
No more chick-flicks –aint that
great ?
Realize the fact, that I tell thee
–
She chucked you for some S.O.B !
Give it back –till there’s time
That’s enough- no more rhyme !
